Testimonial - "Be strong and silent
"Be strong and keep quiet", a phrase that resonates with me.
Yet hardly anyone dares to utter it today. We live in a world where everyone is encouraged to express and share their emotions. Unfortunately, we are not taught how to react when someone opens up to us, confides in us and lets their emotions flow.
Most of the time, the famous question "Are you all right?" is asked without expecting a real answer, without really wanting to know the other person's state of mind. When someone expresses their anger, sadness or even joy, we often feel helpless because we're not prepared to listen. We then find ourselves in a situation of discomfort and frustration.
In general, the response and reaction are benevolent, but we must recognize that the words used can sometimes be clumsy. Either the person tells us how we should react, without understanding what we're going through, not being in our shoes. Or they use inappropriate expressions, like: "I understand, I've also experienced grief, the grief of my great aunt or my cat." This makes us scream inside, but we remain silent, out of respect, so as not to hurt the other person.
In short, we are not listened to, which does nothing to ease our pain.
But in the end, listened to or not, we always find ourselves alone in our grief.
So we learn to contain ourselves, to swallow our tears, to hide behind a mask and put on our best smile.
Nobody teaches us to be strong. Life forces us to.
Behind every strong person lies suffering and sorrow. We hide under this shell to protect ourselves, demonstrating our resilience. We convince ourselves that it's worse, that it will get better, and we turn our suffering into strength so that we have the courage to keep going. Being strong is an asset, but it's also a burden. Our weaknesses, our moments of depression, go unnoticed and sometimes disturb us, because they're not part of our routine, and those around us find themselves at a loss.
Nobody taught me how to be strong and resilient. For me, it's the only means of protection and survival I've found, and I'm convinced that it's our daughters, Lana and Zoé, who give me the strength to be that way.
However, the pain remains with us, even 11 years after Zoé's death. And I think of Lana because I know that my words will also echo in her heart, as her grief is often invisible to those around her.
I often say that the best tribute we can pay to Zoé is to continue fighting for all the others: the children, teenagers and young adults who are facing cancer and its ravages. They are the future, and while I want them to have the best possible lives today and tomorrow, I also want Zoé's fight not to be in vain.
It's October, and despite the passage of time, the painful memories of this period remain indelible. We've developed strategies to try and lessen the impact, but to no avail.
Those famous October days that preceded Zoé's death and deprived us of her and her 5th anniversary resonate within me without respite, every year for the past 11 years. I feel the need, even more than at any other time of the year, for her memory not to fade, and so, as every year, I invite you to make a small gesture to support the actions of Zoé4life, so that together we can continue Zoé's fight.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support for my family and for all children and teenagers with cancer.
Natalie Guignard-Nardin - October 2024
